September 23, 2016

YOU MIGHT NOT BE HELPING


You talk too much, you coach too much, you give a lot of advise. What you don't know is you might not be helping. You might be adding some more burden to the people whom you are giving advise. Sometimes you become very irritating and they don't want to hear anything from you so you better shut your mouth and let the situation take care of itself.

I know your intentions are good but too much good intentions is producing bad decisions. Too much intention can produce a tension so sometimes it is better to just keep quiet and let them do the work. They have their own brains, they too can decide and make judgement. You are not the only one who have brain so just close your mouth and watch them perform.

Because the more your force them to follow you and listen to your advise, the more they can't think clearly and  become confused. You are suffocating them and make life more difficult for them. You're like a poisonous gas destroying their fresh air so they can't breathe.

Let them do their thing. Sometimes the people you are helping already knew what they need to do so just let them make decisions on their own. After all, if they follow you and everything went wrong, you are the who will be blamed. So let them make mistakes, they will eventually know in the end what is right. Sometimes all they need is to think for themselves, they want to figure out on their own so you better take one step back and just watch them. It is not leaving them or not supporting them, you are still there but you are letting them express themselves and solve problems using their own strength.

Because the moment you irritate them.. they will lose their focus and will tell you to shut up. And of course you will get hurt, you will feel like you were taken for granted. But keep in mind that they just did it because you are making the situation worse. You are making the burden heavier by talking a lot. Tone down a little bit and let them think freely.

How to help without irritating someone:

1. Just watch. Don't talk when you see mistakes, don't criticize when you see flaws. Just let them be, after all they will ask help if they think you can help. If they were not asking for your advise then just keep quiet. Sometimes letting a person know that you are on his side is already a big help without talking a lot. Being quiet but displaying your presence is a big motivator.

2. Appreciate the progress. If someone had made a good decision, even if the problem hasn't been solved completely... learn to appreciate him. Appreciation is already a big help, it means you are there to support and you are ready to offer a helping hand. It also serves as a signal that you are interested in what he is doing and can offer some good advise if asked to.

3. Be ready to listen. Someone will ask for your help if they think they can't take it anymore so always be ready to listen. Be ready to offer suggestions but always remember that you will only offer suggestions or make advises when they come to you. People will ask if they need to so you don't need to come to them, just prepare yourself to listen anytime  and anywhere.